I started to blog today, but did not know what to say. Errands to run and gifts to send, before I knew it I was at day's end. I started to blog today, but time simply slipped away. Presents to wrap and rooms to clean, surely inspiration would strike in-between? I started to blog today, but could not find a way. I couldn't share a deep or random thought, without technology I was surely caught. I started to blog today, but in sunny Tacoma I chose to play. I'll certainly blog tomorrow, or maybe after Christmas has come. You will see a post on this blogspot host to show inspiration has won!
Seems, I found the time to write something after all...
No matter if/when/how you celebrate, may your holidays be filled with peace.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Unexpected Gifts
The other day I went to the Rosewood Cafe in Tacoma which is one of my favorite spots to relax. Since the little guy was happily ensconced at home with his Nana and a bucket of play clay, I had no reason to rush. The cafe was unusually busy for a late afternoon, so I told Barry Watson, owner and all around good guy, to seat some people in professional attire and obviously short on time before me. I waited an extra 15 minutes for a table, but it was not inconvenient. Imagine my surprise when I was about to dig into to some tasty gingerbread a la mode at the end of my meal, and Barry mentioned that the people I had given up my first table for paid for my dessert. That small gesture left me happily floating through the rest of my day.
I do many things on a routine basis that are part of the concept of common courtesy ingrained in me by my parents. These things make me feel good, and they demonstrate my respect for others. I hold the door for people, and thank them when they hold the door for me. I let that person miraculously escaping Costco with one item go ahead of me in line. I try to finish library books and return them quickly so someone else can enjoy them. I don't skip the gore and believe in the "zipper effect" when driving and merging. The list goes on, but the whole point is this: little gestures can make a big difference in someones day.
We all have the power to create lasting change. If we simply incorporated daily acts of courtesy into our lives, the effect would ripple outward and our world would become better. I am not talking about random acts of kindness like slipping a twenty into the Salvation Army Bucket. I am talking about the mundane, taken for granted, everyday things that all of us can do. Pick up that gum wrapper that slips out of your pocket. Smile at someone and tell them to have a nice day. Use words such as "please, thank you, and you are welcome." Give up your seat on the bus for an elderly person or a pregnant woman. Do whatever it is that you are moved to do.
The more things that you find to do for others, the more satisfaction you will find in yourself. It does not matter if you are closing the open freezer door at the market, or returning the five dollar bill you saw someone drop. Go forth and be courteous. Every positive choice you make will have an impact. You may never even know it, but sometimes someone else does something to remind you, like buying dessert.
I do many things on a routine basis that are part of the concept of common courtesy ingrained in me by my parents. These things make me feel good, and they demonstrate my respect for others. I hold the door for people, and thank them when they hold the door for me. I let that person miraculously escaping Costco with one item go ahead of me in line. I try to finish library books and return them quickly so someone else can enjoy them. I don't skip the gore and believe in the "zipper effect" when driving and merging. The list goes on, but the whole point is this: little gestures can make a big difference in someones day.
We all have the power to create lasting change. If we simply incorporated daily acts of courtesy into our lives, the effect would ripple outward and our world would become better. I am not talking about random acts of kindness like slipping a twenty into the Salvation Army Bucket. I am talking about the mundane, taken for granted, everyday things that all of us can do. Pick up that gum wrapper that slips out of your pocket. Smile at someone and tell them to have a nice day. Use words such as "please, thank you, and you are welcome." Give up your seat on the bus for an elderly person or a pregnant woman. Do whatever it is that you are moved to do.
The more things that you find to do for others, the more satisfaction you will find in yourself. It does not matter if you are closing the open freezer door at the market, or returning the five dollar bill you saw someone drop. Go forth and be courteous. Every positive choice you make will have an impact. You may never even know it, but sometimes someone else does something to remind you, like buying dessert.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
A Few Thoughts on Friendship
Have you ever helped a friend in desperate need of your time or talents and been promised help in return? Have you ever been really less than happy because you performed even more favors for the same friend even though it was horribly inconvenient for you, and when it was time for them to reciprocate they refused? I have done many things for people over the years, generally with no strings attached. In a few instances, I have reached what appeared to be mutually beneficial agreement with friends. In the former case, I have received warm fuzzies that left me feeling good for a long time. In the latter, well, I just hope that my karmic bank account is racking up some interest because I am never going to get the help profferred at the time of the deal.
There is an expression that states something about friends coming into your life for "a reason, as season" or something else highly philosophical to that effect. Well, I think that sometimes people come into my life because I need a kick in the rear-end. I have a tendency to want to be everything for everyone, and that really burns through my emotional reserves and leaves me with very little to give to my dearest friends, my family, and most critically, myself. I am not trying to imply that I should not do things for others because I truly strive to live the "Golden Rule." I want to be the kind of friend, sister, mother, wife, daughter, and person that I would like for others in my life to be. I fall short in this area, not all the time, but often. I get angry and impatient when the people that know me best want things from me because they know that I do not need one more thing added to my life or my stress-o-meter will explode! I get resentful when I think of the so called friends that suck the life out of me with their needs and do nothing to replenish the balance in our relationships. I get frustrated because I do not have enough to give to everyone, and it is quite possible that I am sucking the life out of my loved ones with my needs. So what is the solution?
Firstly, I need to do an evaluation of my relationships. You probably need to do this too. If someone is still in your life just because they held your hair out of your face when you drank too much at a junior high sleepover and puked- well, they may not fit into your current life. If you value a friendship, but it is out of balance, you need to decide how to restore the balance.You may need to end those stalker friendships, the ones that require you to call, email, and send up smoke signals because your 'friend' never initiates contact with you. The relationships I plan to keep are the ones where it seems like we pick up where we left off no matter how much time has passed. The people that I know would show up if I needed to move or listed them as an emergency contact. The people I would mourn if they were no longer in my life.
The second thing I need to do is define the parameters that are acceptable in my various relationships. Parameter One: For me it is okay to have relationships with other families because our kids play well together and we have fun doing group activities. It is okay to spend time with family members because I love them, but not feel like we should run out and buy a weekend cabin together. I can have Foodie Friends, health nut friends, religious friends, older friends, younger friends, any kind of friend that enriches my life. Parameter Two: Regardless of the kind of friend, I need to follow one rule. Give what I am able to freely, as a gift. When I am done giving or feel like I cannot give anymore, I will say "I'm sorry, but I can't." Parameter Three: When it is time for the relationship to end, I will let it go gracefully.
The last thing I need to do to get over my relationship angst is to find ways to energize the relationships that are important to me. My relationships with others can benefit through simple maintenance. Cooking dinner for friends, picking up a phone instead of texting, the crazy twice a week belly dancing class I am doing with my girlfriends-all of these activities promote healthy, energized relationships. Like it or not, relationships that work are a lot of work and need nurturing to flourish.
Find out what your relationships need and do it, even if it requires...consulting with the person you have the relationship with for advice. Do what you can to restore the balance to your relationships, and it will help restore the balance to your life. It may be as simple as sending a card. I am pretty sure that Hallmark must have a "sorry for sucking the life out of you, I 'll do better" card.
There is an expression that states something about friends coming into your life for "a reason, as season" or something else highly philosophical to that effect. Well, I think that sometimes people come into my life because I need a kick in the rear-end. I have a tendency to want to be everything for everyone, and that really burns through my emotional reserves and leaves me with very little to give to my dearest friends, my family, and most critically, myself. I am not trying to imply that I should not do things for others because I truly strive to live the "Golden Rule." I want to be the kind of friend, sister, mother, wife, daughter, and person that I would like for others in my life to be. I fall short in this area, not all the time, but often. I get angry and impatient when the people that know me best want things from me because they know that I do not need one more thing added to my life or my stress-o-meter will explode! I get resentful when I think of the so called friends that suck the life out of me with their needs and do nothing to replenish the balance in our relationships. I get frustrated because I do not have enough to give to everyone, and it is quite possible that I am sucking the life out of my loved ones with my needs. So what is the solution?
Firstly, I need to do an evaluation of my relationships. You probably need to do this too. If someone is still in your life just because they held your hair out of your face when you drank too much at a junior high sleepover and puked- well, they may not fit into your current life. If you value a friendship, but it is out of balance, you need to decide how to restore the balance.You may need to end those stalker friendships, the ones that require you to call, email, and send up smoke signals because your 'friend' never initiates contact with you. The relationships I plan to keep are the ones where it seems like we pick up where we left off no matter how much time has passed. The people that I know would show up if I needed to move or listed them as an emergency contact. The people I would mourn if they were no longer in my life.
The second thing I need to do is define the parameters that are acceptable in my various relationships. Parameter One: For me it is okay to have relationships with other families because our kids play well together and we have fun doing group activities. It is okay to spend time with family members because I love them, but not feel like we should run out and buy a weekend cabin together. I can have Foodie Friends, health nut friends, religious friends, older friends, younger friends, any kind of friend that enriches my life. Parameter Two: Regardless of the kind of friend, I need to follow one rule. Give what I am able to freely, as a gift. When I am done giving or feel like I cannot give anymore, I will say "I'm sorry, but I can't." Parameter Three: When it is time for the relationship to end, I will let it go gracefully.
The last thing I need to do to get over my relationship angst is to find ways to energize the relationships that are important to me. My relationships with others can benefit through simple maintenance. Cooking dinner for friends, picking up a phone instead of texting, the crazy twice a week belly dancing class I am doing with my girlfriends-all of these activities promote healthy, energized relationships. Like it or not, relationships that work are a lot of work and need nurturing to flourish.
Find out what your relationships need and do it, even if it requires...consulting with the person you have the relationship with for advice. Do what you can to restore the balance to your relationships, and it will help restore the balance to your life. It may be as simple as sending a card. I am pretty sure that Hallmark must have a "sorry for sucking the life out of you, I 'll do better" card.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
The Tomato: Fruit for Thought
Andrew and I celebrated our ninth anniversary with a fabulous Chateaubriand of Sirloin at El Gaucho in Tacoma a few days ago. Our dinner was served with several sides, including half of a tomato topped with cheese and broiled. At first, I was disappointed that this rather mundane fruit was part of a dinner that was, at least to us, pretty expensive. After pondering for a few moments, I realized that rather than an annoyance, the tomato was actually a lesson in disguise.
Some of us can remember the advent of life altering innovations such as the household refrigerator, the washing machine, and immunizations. Others may remember televisions, department stores, and passenger planes. Whether you grew up listening to phonographs or MP3 files, surfing the ocean or the Internet, odds are you have not spent much time contemplating your produce. I am just one among a multitude of North Americans with no real appreciation for where our food comes from, or the fact that we can buy anything we want even out of season if we are willing to pay the price asked for it. We get strawberries from Mexico, apples from New Zealand, and bell peppers from hothouses in British Columbia. We do not have to can food in season and we do not have to grow anything. We can choose between conventially grown and organic whether we want fruit, vegetables, dairy products, or even meat! Fifty years ago, the tomato served with our dinner would have been a luxury afforded only to the very wealthy, and even then not in the chilly climes of places like Minnesota and Wisconsin. Today you can get six varieties of tomato at any WalMart.
In our age of consumerism, people are being encouraged to become 'locavores' and only purchase products made within 100 miles of their place of residence, or grown or made at home. While there are many benefits to the locavore movement such as the support of family farms, the reduction of carbon emissions, and thriftiness in general, I think it is time to begin a movement of a different sort. I don't have a nifty catch phrase, but I think that something like "conscious consumerism" would be the guiding principle. If I can mend or reuse something, I will not buy a replacement. If I am going to purchase something, I will support businesses in my community even if the cost is a bit more than at a megastore. I will find room to produce some of my own food, even if it is a windowsill herb garden. I will prepare meals using seasonal ingredients whenever possible. I will fill my life with wonderful people and experiences rather than more things. Most important, no matter what I spend my money on, I will consider the pros and cons, and remember that some things are an absolute gift to be able to acquire, such as an out of season tomato.
Some of us can remember the advent of life altering innovations such as the household refrigerator, the washing machine, and immunizations. Others may remember televisions, department stores, and passenger planes. Whether you grew up listening to phonographs or MP3 files, surfing the ocean or the Internet, odds are you have not spent much time contemplating your produce. I am just one among a multitude of North Americans with no real appreciation for where our food comes from, or the fact that we can buy anything we want even out of season if we are willing to pay the price asked for it. We get strawberries from Mexico, apples from New Zealand, and bell peppers from hothouses in British Columbia. We do not have to can food in season and we do not have to grow anything. We can choose between conventially grown and organic whether we want fruit, vegetables, dairy products, or even meat! Fifty years ago, the tomato served with our dinner would have been a luxury afforded only to the very wealthy, and even then not in the chilly climes of places like Minnesota and Wisconsin. Today you can get six varieties of tomato at any WalMart.
In our age of consumerism, people are being encouraged to become 'locavores' and only purchase products made within 100 miles of their place of residence, or grown or made at home. While there are many benefits to the locavore movement such as the support of family farms, the reduction of carbon emissions, and thriftiness in general, I think it is time to begin a movement of a different sort. I don't have a nifty catch phrase, but I think that something like "conscious consumerism" would be the guiding principle. If I can mend or reuse something, I will not buy a replacement. If I am going to purchase something, I will support businesses in my community even if the cost is a bit more than at a megastore. I will find room to produce some of my own food, even if it is a windowsill herb garden. I will prepare meals using seasonal ingredients whenever possible. I will fill my life with wonderful people and experiences rather than more things. Most important, no matter what I spend my money on, I will consider the pros and cons, and remember that some things are an absolute gift to be able to acquire, such as an out of season tomato.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Let's Talk Turkey
I have been spending a great deal of time musing over the meaning of the "HOLIDAYS" for the last few weeks. That is in all caps because I am talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas, the big ones that most of us have pretty strong memories of, and generally pretty strong feelings about. I loved this time of year as a child, but somehow I lost that feeling as I passed through my late twenties and beyond. Why?
My conclusion may not be scientifically accurate, but here it comes...(drum roll please) The holidays have become a time when my parents, siblings, and others who 'keep my history' treat me as the child/young adult I used to be, rather than the woman I have become since leaving the nest. Overly simplistic? Probably. Annoying? Definitely.
Over the years I have managed to complete a Master's Degree and develop a fairly decent skill set. I can speak in public successfully, balance a checkbook, and soothe a toddler. Friends and neighbors call me to ask for advice on interior design, gardening, and parenting. I am a good daughter-in-law. About three minutes into a visit to the home of my teen years and all of those things vanish. I am once again the mediator, the good daughter, and the child with no needs and no desire to rock the boat. I am the helper, the responsible one, and the wallflower. I could go on for a lot longer, but I think you get the point. I am what I have spent so many years trying to escape. So, what good is knowing this about myself? It makes it easier to be prepared to deal with encountering people who 'knew me when,' and to create experiences that allow me to be my true self during the holidays.
This year, we had Thanksgiving at the home of my oldest brother. Same people, but a completely different dynamic. It was a meeting of equals and it could be considered neutral territory since they have generally driven from wherever they are to where they are told to be during the holidays. My sister-in-law prepared a wonderful meal, and none of the guests had to do anything. I have not felt so relaxed on a holiday for at least a decade. I do not want to force this experience on her every year, but some of us found it to be lovely and liberating. Last year we had Christmas on the East Coast surrounded by family that we never spent the holidays with growing up. The first year of our marriage my husband and I could not decide which family to spend Thanksgiving with, so we went to McMenamin's Grand Lodge in Forest Grove, Oregon. Fabulous.
I realize that I will not be able to change the venue for every holiday gathering for all eternity, but I can adopt a different attitude. I can smile inside and take a deep breath when I really want to tear my hair out. I can count my blessings such as being able to spend time with loved ones and actually having food on the table. I can watch with joy as my son runs and jumps and basically creates mayhem with his cousins. Best of all, I can share a wink with my husband when things play out exactly as we expected them to and look forward to a good laugh over a glass of wine later.
Hope you find your bliss this holiday season!
My conclusion may not be scientifically accurate, but here it comes...(drum roll please) The holidays have become a time when my parents, siblings, and others who 'keep my history' treat me as the child/young adult I used to be, rather than the woman I have become since leaving the nest. Overly simplistic? Probably. Annoying? Definitely.
Over the years I have managed to complete a Master's Degree and develop a fairly decent skill set. I can speak in public successfully, balance a checkbook, and soothe a toddler. Friends and neighbors call me to ask for advice on interior design, gardening, and parenting. I am a good daughter-in-law. About three minutes into a visit to the home of my teen years and all of those things vanish. I am once again the mediator, the good daughter, and the child with no needs and no desire to rock the boat. I am the helper, the responsible one, and the wallflower. I could go on for a lot longer, but I think you get the point. I am what I have spent so many years trying to escape. So, what good is knowing this about myself? It makes it easier to be prepared to deal with encountering people who 'knew me when,' and to create experiences that allow me to be my true self during the holidays.
This year, we had Thanksgiving at the home of my oldest brother. Same people, but a completely different dynamic. It was a meeting of equals and it could be considered neutral territory since they have generally driven from wherever they are to where they are told to be during the holidays. My sister-in-law prepared a wonderful meal, and none of the guests had to do anything. I have not felt so relaxed on a holiday for at least a decade. I do not want to force this experience on her every year, but some of us found it to be lovely and liberating. Last year we had Christmas on the East Coast surrounded by family that we never spent the holidays with growing up. The first year of our marriage my husband and I could not decide which family to spend Thanksgiving with, so we went to McMenamin's Grand Lodge in Forest Grove, Oregon. Fabulous.
I realize that I will not be able to change the venue for every holiday gathering for all eternity, but I can adopt a different attitude. I can smile inside and take a deep breath when I really want to tear my hair out. I can count my blessings such as being able to spend time with loved ones and actually having food on the table. I can watch with joy as my son runs and jumps and basically creates mayhem with his cousins. Best of all, I can share a wink with my husband when things play out exactly as we expected them to and look forward to a good laugh over a glass of wine later.
Hope you find your bliss this holiday season!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
The First Step
Friends and family members have been telling me to blog for ages. I could never figure out why because I see my life as pretty uneventful and full of stress that no one else would really want to hear about. Of course, people also tell me that I am wasting my talents and should do this or that, which I absolutely could-if I believed that I had the talents they were talking about!
Many months ago, I purchased the "Blogging for Dummies" Book. I know, completely lame. Needless to say, it is probably going to end up at Half Price Books, unread and unloved, at least by me. I guess that blogging is somewhat like exercise, eating right, or ripping off a band-aid...it must just be done.
What you will find on this blog will really be "una mezcla," or "a mixture" to quote my favorite high school teacher. Some days I may rant about being the mom of a toddler. For example, my 34.5 month old gave me a big hug today and announced, " I pooped. Can you check it?" Yeah, potty training. Other days may be for sharing funny stories or vegan recipes. I may discuss my quest to regain the body of my twenties which is only missing when I look in the mirror. I may share bits of my many works in progress in terms of writing. I may just beg for your advice. Whatever it is, it will come to me. I hope that what I have to say resonates with you. Find it amusing, find it sad, or just allow it to relieve the tedium of the moment and help you to realize that life can be sweet, it can be stinky, and it can sometimes just BE.
I took my first step, I hope you take yours.
Many months ago, I purchased the "Blogging for Dummies" Book. I know, completely lame. Needless to say, it is probably going to end up at Half Price Books, unread and unloved, at least by me. I guess that blogging is somewhat like exercise, eating right, or ripping off a band-aid...it must just be done.
What you will find on this blog will really be "una mezcla," or "a mixture" to quote my favorite high school teacher. Some days I may rant about being the mom of a toddler. For example, my 34.5 month old gave me a big hug today and announced, " I pooped. Can you check it?" Yeah, potty training. Other days may be for sharing funny stories or vegan recipes. I may discuss my quest to regain the body of my twenties which is only missing when I look in the mirror. I may share bits of my many works in progress in terms of writing. I may just beg for your advice. Whatever it is, it will come to me. I hope that what I have to say resonates with you. Find it amusing, find it sad, or just allow it to relieve the tedium of the moment and help you to realize that life can be sweet, it can be stinky, and it can sometimes just BE.
I took my first step, I hope you take yours.
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