Money Can't Buy Happiness

I was in the mood for a rant yesterday when I considered doing some blogging. I decided to wait because after all, my blog is called balanced bliss, not abject misery. So why was I not finding the silver lining yesterday? MONEY. Yes, the almighty dollar was making me feel a bit less-than yesterday.

Many of you know that I have not been working since mid-2004 due to some...unhappy life experiences. My husband has been working steadily in human/court services and we were doing pretty well for the first few years post '04. How were we doing well? I was getting nice checks from Worker's Compensation, then Unemployment, then Mom and Dad. Now it is all hubby, and although he makes a decent wage, we can never seem to make it quite work. Thinking about going back to work gives me nightmares. Heck, I have to steel my nerves and force myself to take out the trash or go to the store if it is dark out. For the last few years we have been trying to find alternate ways to make money that doesn't involve selling organs or otherwise becoming criminal masterminds. I have even become a crazy couponer! A-hem, back to the misery behind this post.

This weekend was my husband's birthday. Birthdays, holidays, and any other excuses to celebrate are a big deal around here. We were just discussing having a celebration for Leif Erickson Day, after all, Andrew is of Norwegian descent. He grew up in a family with little to spare, but lots of pride. I grew up in a family where we did not lack for anything, and if there was trouble we kids sure never knew it. Experiencing things in a big way is essential to Andrew's psyche. Making things happen in a big way is essential to mine. This is a real problem considering the fact that our budget is more free water than beer when executing our champagne dreams. This also makes us inherently blue, even when we are happy on the surface.

Thanks to my Mom, we had a wonderful visit to Portland for Andrew's birthday. We went to The Grotto for mass, had a delicious lunch and watched live Hula at a place called Ohana, and played at the Portland Children's Museum with our son. We finished the day with dinner, a movie, and a soak in the salt-water tub at McMenamin's Grand Lodge in Forest Grove before turning in for the night. The next day we had a leisurely breakfast, drove around to see if some of Andrew's college haunts still existed, then made our way back home with a few stops on the way for lunch and liquor, window shopping, and ice cream. I know this sounds great, and it was great, but it still was not quite right. We couldn't pick up the crazy mermaid birdbath we fell in love with or a bottle of the Monkey Puzzle Brandy at the distillery we visited. We could not add a visit to the Portland Zoo and OMSI to day two of our trip. We could not splurge on winter gear at Helly Hansen on the drive home or order pizza for dinner when we got back exhausted and not wanting to cook. It sounds bratty and ungrateful, but we could not be the old us, and we have not truly embraced the new us yet. The whole trip was fun, but in a way that seemed a bit washed out, like a copy of a copy of what it should have been.

I don't have a wonderful summary of what I learned from this experience and what I will go forward with to share with you today. All I can say is that I will try to live each day with gratitude for what I do have, and for all of the family and friends who share what they have with me so freely. I realize there are are people who would love to have my troubles, but that does not make them suddenly acceptable to me. I will try to focus on other things like rebuilding my level of health and fitness, and making every day a low cost or nearly free adventure for my little boy. I will have to suck it up and try to tolerate cooking so what resources we do have can stretch as far as possible, leaving a bit more for fun. I hope all of you can figure out how to make peace with whatever you need to in your own lives so you can save whatever is left of your sanity.

Be well, and remember, "Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable." -Clare Boothe Luce

Just Blood?

Yesterday I gave blood. I know that it is not earth shattering news. Lots of people give blood regularly, but it was my first time. Funny that I have been on the organ donor registry and the bone marrow registry for years, but have never donated blood before now. Maybe it was the fear of rejection? After all, it is bad enough to have people shun you because of your weight, occupation, race, or other reasons, but to feel less than because your blood is "bad" would be terrible. Okay, so it is a pretty ridiculous fear, but there are a list of reasons that blood cannot be accepted including illnesses, anemia, medications, places of residence and travel, and recent tattoos or piercings. Could be a fear of needles? I get nervous before every blood draw and vaccination, yet when the time comes, I always end up wondering why I got so worked up over something that is basically nothing. I suppose it is completely possible that I never had a specific reason not to give blood before, but I never had a specific reason to give blood before. So I am sure that you are all wondering, after 42 years, what made yesterday THE DAY?

For the last year, I have been involved with the Rally Foundation for Childhood Cancer Research. A friend took us to a meeting, and my husband and I signed up to do a half-marathon to help raise money for cancer research in our own community. Throughout this year, we have met many family members and caregivers of children dealing with, or lost to some form of cancer. Desmoplastic small round cell tumor, acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL), malignant, aggressive, rare-these are just a few of the terms we have gotten used to hearing when describing what the children we are running for are facing. Yesterday, we were presented with a way to help these kids without lacing up our shoes and without having to ask those in our community to reach into their wallets and pocketbooks. Our Rally NW Team asked us to simply attend a blood drive and donate in honor of our Rally Kids. What we thought was going to be simple turned out to be memorable instead.

We met a wonderful little girl and her family yesterday. They came for the blood drive, but they were not part of Rally and had never even heard of it. Anna is five. She enchanted the crowd waiting outside in the heat, and the crew on board the chilly bloodmobile. Her fuchsia polka dot dress and bubblegum pink crocks with the personalized charms were adorable. She had big beautiful eyes, a ready smile, and loved to giggle. She listened carefully to all of the explanations of the medical staff, and patiently stood out of the way while her father went through all of the questions and paperwork which would allow him to give blood for his first time. During his donation, Anna got bored and went outside. Anna had snacks and colored with my son. She danced around the parking lot with her older sister and shared hugs with her mom. What was so remarkable about Anna? This amazing little girl with just the slightest hint of blond here and there on her scalp had already received over 14 blood transfusions to save her life. She was there that day to learn where the blood that helped to save her life had all come from. Anna made our purpose real and the day memorable.

I may not want to run half-marathons for the rest of my life, but I am going to make an effort to give blood as often as I am able. Giving blood is simple. Giving blood can save a life. Giving blood does not require super-human strength or a heroic effort, though there may be some fear and discomfort to overcome. I will never again view this fabulous elixir as "just blood." Each pint I donate will be Anna, Mia, Rhema, or another real person with a real need.

A Bit of Perspective

I was reading a blog post from a former classmate named Megan today. (You can learn all about her at http://meganbosticbooks.com/) She was describing her weekend and all of the tasks left on her To Do list. This got me thinking about my own To Do list. It is amazing how there is never enough time to accomplish everything, no matter how organized you are or how gifted a multi-tasker!

This weekend. I expected to get produce canned and dehydrated, laundry done, and a few more boxes unpacked. I also wanted to search for some sample materials that I am overdue in sending to a publisher. This was in addition to a few hours of volunteer work and running what turned out to be a soggy 10K on Sunday. Did I accomplish my goals? I have a sink full of dishes, a dining room stacked to the curtain rods with totes, and three baskets of dirty laundry that multiply daily. I still have produce to deal with before the fruit fly colony gets any bigger! I also am longing for a few days of sun to return to dry out the outdoor furniture cushions and umbrella before storing them because Summer coming to an abrupt end was definitely not factored in to my list-making and now those chores must be added. To add to all of the chaos, what we thought would be a simple carpet tear out and concrete floor staining led to the discovery of a major ant infestation and structural damage. Going from owning 1,400 square feet to renting 895 due to forclosure was hard, but to suddenly have that space cut down by another 200 square feet at the time of year that we spend the most time indoors-CRAZY!! I do have a fabulous landlord, and hopefully he and his insurance company will get it worked out soon. Hmmm, I guess at least dealing with everything to get the room in shape for me to unpack the rest of our stuff does not have to go on my To Do list?

If there is one thing I appreciate about what my friends share in blogs and on Facebook, it is all of the happenings that seem to prove that no one has a life that follows a perfect road map. My friend Sandra is spearheading all of the Girl Scout efforts in her county and cutting back on other things that are important to her because other people are not willing to take on responsibility. My fiscally responsible friend Michelle, with a new boyfriend, fit physique, and lovely home is recovering from a stroke at 42.  Megan Bostic's dream of becoming a published author is coming true, yet she still has activities to shuttle her girls to, a household to manage, and lots of hoops left to jump through.  The lesson in all of this--it is all about perspective. People say you should not compare your life to the lives of others; I say compare away. I can only be truly grateful for what I have if I recognize what other people do not have. Watching others reach for their dreams, such as  a certain Ms. Lillian starting up a dessert truck with her vegan delights, well, it makes me want to make my dreams a reality as well.

My on-line life leads to both appreciation and aspiration, synergy if you are in to that kind of thing. Thanks for the perspective my friends. Please keep the blogs and posts coming because it is much cheaper and way more interesting than therapy could ever be. Now, thanks to all of you, it is time to toss away my road map and revise my To Do list. I think I will start by adding "enjoy life" and "compost rotting produce" in pen and jotting the rest down in pencil. Hope you can make some changes to your To Do list today too!