I was in the mood for a rant yesterday when I considered doing some blogging. I decided to wait because after all, my blog is called balanced bliss, not abject misery. So why was I not finding the silver lining yesterday? MONEY. Yes, the almighty dollar was making me feel a bit less-than yesterday.
Many of you know that I have not been working since mid-2004 due to some...unhappy life experiences. My husband has been working steadily in human/court services and we were doing pretty well for the first few years post '04. How were we doing well? I was getting nice checks from Worker's Compensation, then Unemployment, then Mom and Dad. Now it is all hubby, and although he makes a decent wage, we can never seem to make it quite work. Thinking about going back to work gives me nightmares. Heck, I have to steel my nerves and force myself to take out the trash or go to the store if it is dark out. For the last few years we have been trying to find alternate ways to make money that doesn't involve selling organs or otherwise becoming criminal masterminds. I have even become a crazy couponer! A-hem, back to the misery behind this post.
This weekend was my husband's birthday. Birthdays, holidays, and any other excuses to celebrate are a big deal around here. We were just discussing having a celebration for Leif Erickson Day, after all, Andrew is of Norwegian descent. He grew up in a family with little to spare, but lots of pride. I grew up in a family where we did not lack for anything, and if there was trouble we kids sure never knew it. Experiencing things in a big way is essential to Andrew's psyche. Making things happen in a big way is essential to mine. This is a real problem considering the fact that our budget is more free water than beer when executing our champagne dreams. This also makes us inherently blue, even when we are happy on the surface.
Thanks to my Mom, we had a wonderful visit to Portland for Andrew's birthday. We went to The Grotto for mass, had a delicious lunch and watched live Hula at a place called Ohana, and played at the Portland Children's Museum with our son. We finished the day with dinner, a movie, and a soak in the salt-water tub at McMenamin's Grand Lodge in Forest Grove before turning in for the night. The next day we had a leisurely breakfast, drove around to see if some of Andrew's college haunts still existed, then made our way back home with a few stops on the way for lunch and liquor, window shopping, and ice cream. I know this sounds great, and it was great, but it still was not quite right. We couldn't pick up the crazy mermaid birdbath we fell in love with or a bottle of the Monkey Puzzle Brandy at the distillery we visited. We could not add a visit to the Portland Zoo and OMSI to day two of our trip. We could not splurge on winter gear at Helly Hansen on the drive home or order pizza for dinner when we got back exhausted and not wanting to cook. It sounds bratty and ungrateful, but we could not be the old us, and we have not truly embraced the new us yet. The whole trip was fun, but in a way that seemed a bit washed out, like a copy of a copy of what it should have been.
I don't have a wonderful summary of what I learned from this experience and what I will go forward with to share with you today. All I can say is that I will try to live each day with gratitude for what I do have, and for all of the family and friends who share what they have with me so freely. I realize there are are people who would love to have my troubles, but that does not make them suddenly acceptable to me. I will try to focus on other things like rebuilding my level of health and fitness, and making every day a low cost or nearly free adventure for my little boy. I will have to suck it up and try to tolerate cooking so what resources we do have can stretch as far as possible, leaving a bit more for fun. I hope all of you can figure out how to make peace with whatever you need to in your own lives so you can save whatever is left of your sanity.
Be well, and remember, "Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable." -Clare Boothe Luce
Many of you know that I have not been working since mid-2004 due to some...unhappy life experiences. My husband has been working steadily in human/court services and we were doing pretty well for the first few years post '04. How were we doing well? I was getting nice checks from Worker's Compensation, then Unemployment, then Mom and Dad. Now it is all hubby, and although he makes a decent wage, we can never seem to make it quite work. Thinking about going back to work gives me nightmares. Heck, I have to steel my nerves and force myself to take out the trash or go to the store if it is dark out. For the last few years we have been trying to find alternate ways to make money that doesn't involve selling organs or otherwise becoming criminal masterminds. I have even become a crazy couponer! A-hem, back to the misery behind this post.
This weekend was my husband's birthday. Birthdays, holidays, and any other excuses to celebrate are a big deal around here. We were just discussing having a celebration for Leif Erickson Day, after all, Andrew is of Norwegian descent. He grew up in a family with little to spare, but lots of pride. I grew up in a family where we did not lack for anything, and if there was trouble we kids sure never knew it. Experiencing things in a big way is essential to Andrew's psyche. Making things happen in a big way is essential to mine. This is a real problem considering the fact that our budget is more free water than beer when executing our champagne dreams. This also makes us inherently blue, even when we are happy on the surface.
Thanks to my Mom, we had a wonderful visit to Portland for Andrew's birthday. We went to The Grotto for mass, had a delicious lunch and watched live Hula at a place called Ohana, and played at the Portland Children's Museum with our son. We finished the day with dinner, a movie, and a soak in the salt-water tub at McMenamin's Grand Lodge in Forest Grove before turning in for the night. The next day we had a leisurely breakfast, drove around to see if some of Andrew's college haunts still existed, then made our way back home with a few stops on the way for lunch and liquor, window shopping, and ice cream. I know this sounds great, and it was great, but it still was not quite right. We couldn't pick up the crazy mermaid birdbath we fell in love with or a bottle of the Monkey Puzzle Brandy at the distillery we visited. We could not add a visit to the Portland Zoo and OMSI to day two of our trip. We could not splurge on winter gear at Helly Hansen on the drive home or order pizza for dinner when we got back exhausted and not wanting to cook. It sounds bratty and ungrateful, but we could not be the old us, and we have not truly embraced the new us yet. The whole trip was fun, but in a way that seemed a bit washed out, like a copy of a copy of what it should have been.
I don't have a wonderful summary of what I learned from this experience and what I will go forward with to share with you today. All I can say is that I will try to live each day with gratitude for what I do have, and for all of the family and friends who share what they have with me so freely. I realize there are are people who would love to have my troubles, but that does not make them suddenly acceptable to me. I will try to focus on other things like rebuilding my level of health and fitness, and making every day a low cost or nearly free adventure for my little boy. I will have to suck it up and try to tolerate cooking so what resources we do have can stretch as far as possible, leaving a bit more for fun. I hope all of you can figure out how to make peace with whatever you need to in your own lives so you can save whatever is left of your sanity.
Be well, and remember, "Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable." -Clare Boothe Luce
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